And so a brand new adventure begins..

...and yet it doesn't feel so new. I've spent the last few days contemplating a new blog entry and toying with new names... "The adventures of my Essex slippers".. etc etc. But there's been too much change recently so for now I'm sticking with it.

As some of you readers will be aware (is there anyone there?), I've recently made some massive leaps personally and thus have ended up with many 'firsts' and 'news' to face. Whilst some of these have begun, I now find myself in a very in-the-middle place. It's an odd little place between the past and the future where mostly I just eat toffees and watch Jeremy Kyle. But unfortunately this place has left me too much space to think (despite not having enough space for shoe or cake tin storage).

During one of my long days of watching shite daytime television I happened upon a favourite film of mine which, I usually avoid. I know how odd this sounds but it's one of those movies that strikes such a chord with me that I usually feel far too emotional to watch it. So anyway, I was watching 500 days of Summer and feeling completely miserable about everything in life, as per usual (and washing up.. such a fucking grown up these days) and got thinking about past relationships. Now I wont bore you with the heartbreak stories of my past, you all have your own. It's what secretly bonds many of us together and what I find so emotional about this damn film .. everyone at some point in their life has felt like Tom feels in that movie. Shit.

The point in the film which always gets me in particular is the moment he observes his dream woman showing off her engagement ring to someone and realising he's lost her forever. Everyone has those memories of important parts in every love story when you realise it's all gone horribly wrong and sadly those are the moments you will always dwell on. As I said before, I love this film but I do think there's one massive part to this story that they missed. Maybe it would be 'Day 501'... the day you can look back on all of it, good and bad, with a smile on your face. Past relationships are as they say on the tin.. in the past but whilst packing and unpacking my whole life over the last few weeks I have noticed how many items are linked to these past incidents.

I, like most women went out of my way to destroy and remove most visible signs of past scars by binning jewellery, photographs, underwear, letters and anything else that reminded me of them. But now I realise.. they're everywhere. They're in my cd collection, they're holding my jewellery, they're hanging in my lounge and hiding in my bookcase.. and I'm ok with that. Living in the past? Naaaa... I wear my scars on the outside and most of them are so pretty.

and don't worry.. I'll watch Disney films tomorrow and cheer the fuck up. X